Tag: love

A daughter’s B+ Bond with Pyare Papa!

There is a joke in the family. The B+ joke. Father and I both share B+ blood group, and are very similar in our habits. The way we sit, the way we form postures, the way we form a pattern in the air with our hands while thinking, and the way we place our hands behind our head while watching TV. We both are bit casual in our approach towards life, flexible in our attitude, and rigid in our actions. We do what we have to do even when the whole world says otherwise. We forget easily, never keep anything in heart for long. We both are mostly at the receiving end for our callousness and carelessness. We laugh at our follies and are capable of not taking ourselves too seriously. With age, I have started to look like him too.

I may not love all my personality traits but am proud of them for the simple fact that they come from him. They make me similar to him. That’s a different point that I have imbibed most of the not-so-worthy traits and am yet to show any signs of his strong Leo side. He’s an avid reader, I usually languish. He is an epitome of generosity, I am nowhere near. He can talk for hours, I can stay silent for hours. He is extremely social, I am sort of an ambivert. He has a huge circle of friends, I can count mine on fingers.

The B+ bond is my strength in life just the way it is for you all with your dads. Happy Father’s Day to Dad, Dada, Paa, Pitaji, Pops, Baba, Abba or whatever you call your father lovingly.

For me, it is always Papa! His mobile number has been saved as ‘Pyare Papa’ in my mobile ever since I have owned a phone. And his is the only number I dial till date whenever I reach the bus stand of my hometown in Ambala to say, “Papa, I am about to reach home.” And he is always there to welcome with front gates wide open for the car to enter without stopping, along with his big welcoming heart.

Happy Father’s Day Papa!

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The B+ bond: Don’t I look like him?

 

 

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Are you a solitude-seeker?

 

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(credit: wisdomlovequotes.com)

Read an interesting blog post a few days ago about Introversion. The blogger wrote about her need for solitude after every socialisation. In her own words, “I need twenty-eight hours of solitude after one hour of socialization.” This made me smile and nod in affirmation.

How many of us fall in the same bracket? I do. I need my solitude every day. In fact, the name of this blog stems from this solitude-seeking trait. After every socialization, there is a need to crawl into my cocoon. In spite of the fact that I already enjoy lot of ‘Me Time’ given the nuclear status of family (It’s just A and me who make the house a home). And sometimes, just sometimes, A also feels like a crowd. This happens when there have been days of frenzied activity one after another.

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(Credit: http://minavannerdjuren.blogspot.in/2018/03/humor.html)

Looking back, this craving seems a constant. I loved stealing some quietness by taking a day off from school even if that meant studying. I loved stealing some ‘me time’ by excusing myself from socialising, be it attending a birthday party or a wedding, and having the whole house to myself when everyone else was gone. I loved soaking in the silence of long summery afternoons amidst chirping of birds at home. I secretly felt jealous of mom for having the luxury to stay at home in silence. She would wind up her day’s work by 12 noon and secretly guard her private moments before the domesticity chaos hits again. Ah! Those peaceful few hours were bliss. Just reading a book, listening to some music or day dreaming.

I cherished the serenity that comes when you take an off from office on Monday. What a luxury it is to stay at home after the weekend and enjoy other people going about the hullabaloo. I guarded my space even while sharing a room with two others girls during my singleton days. It helped that I had night shifts and would have the whole room to myself in the mornings. Even when I plan a day’s outing with my friends, at the end of it, I want my solitariness.

 

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(Credit: MySoulitude)

Now as much of all what I have said above is true, there is another side to the story. Ironically, just like every socialization brings out the need for solitude, every solitude brings out the need for belongingness. The love for my space does not not stop me from connecting with people. It is cherished with the same intensity. I look forward to conversations with people I know and strangers alike. I love the process of forming a relationship.

Have made friends and acquaintances in the society I live during my evening walks simply by initiating a small ‘hi’. Forged some great friendships at work and at random. Shared great camaraderie during initial career days while travelling every morning for work in a bus and coming back in the evening.

The thing is, I consciously try to tread a fine balance between solitude and socialisation. Seeking solitude is an inherent nature. Socialisation is a part of daily living. Both have to co-opt for me.

We all have our varying degrees of acceptance levels. For some, every socialisation is a high, for others it is a headache. For some, it’s a task to be completed that they don’t mind performing in spite of their dislike, for others the dislike is strong enough to vehemently refuse even a small step towards socialisation. We all have blurring boundaries.

There is, however, a pattern I have noticed with regards to myself. I cringe socialising when it requires lot of efforts and formalities. What works for me is some real conversation. A heart to heart talk without judgement. While writing this I am deciphering that somehow I have never liked conversations in a crowd. I am more of a one-on-one conversation type. Where you share, not merely talk. Where there is love and warmth and some kindness to it. A certain depth no matter how shallow the talk is.

Coffee sessions with friends are such an endorphin-boosters, not for the coffee but the conversation. ‘Chai’ times are quintessentially talk-times revered with absolute delight not for the tea but for the opportunity they provide to interact. I would skip the formality of socialising just for the sake of it as long as it is decently possible. After all, it is not that every one would like to socialise with me, even if I do. There are few who see me and refuse to acknowledge my presence. Or avoid me until I initiate the conversation. It is better to give them a skip for their well-being and mine.

Solitude or Socialisation, whichever way defines you, let it nourish your soul. Find your rhythm in the abstract of this universe. And who knows, we may evolve tomorrow into an entirely different being. Let’s enjoy the journey and stay true to ourselves!

Happy ‘You’ for whatever you ‘Choose!’

 

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(Credit: MySoulitude)

How I Met The Love of My Life – II

By now, you all know how I met the love of my life two years ago. What you don’t know is what happened in between. There were many moments of shock & awe. I am confused as to how to share so much info with you all and in which chronological order. As in matters of heart, most of the things are left unsaid. Still, here’s a humble try to fill in the blanks. More than sharing, it is for myself that I am preserving those moments by recording them right here in my blog.

Day 1 (Nov 11, 2012)

A and his family came to meet me and my folks. I with my parents went to a restaurant on the highway. On the way, we picked up A’s parents and brother and sis-in-law, who were coming directly from Saharanpur. The first person I saw was A’s father and I must say that I was mighty impressed with his appearance. Tall, slim, as white as milk, French beard, topped with suit and boot…a complete aristocratic look.

A had arrived the previous day from Delhi and stay put with his brother in Chandigarh. He was coming along with them directly from there. After almost an hour’s wait, arrived A. It was nothing like love at first sight, not because something was amiss but just because (as I mentioned in my prev post) I was too skeptical about this arranged set-up.

This was the first day I saw A. He entered smilingly in a crisp white shirt. My first thoughts on seeing him were, “Not bad, a pretty decent guy.” One thing that stood out was his smile, which was quite attractive. I and A sat down for a round table conversation to discuss the most important aspect of our lives. To be honest, it was just another meeting with another guy at that moment. The conversation started with “So…what do you do?” and believe me, it was the only sensible question we asked each other.

Then we talked informally and the conversation veered from nature, the stars, the sky, our introvert nature and how we both avoid crowd and our needs to spend some quality time alone. Then, there was silence. What to talk next? I realized we talked nothing about anything that would help us in arriving at some decision. To take the flow towards some sensible talking, I asked him, “What kind of a girl are you looking at?” and laughed at myself for the question, as I hated this question from the core of my heart. Many people had asked me this before, and I always replied, “To whom my heart says yes.”
And oila, he gave the same answer to my question.

Day 2 (Nov 14, 2012)

We went over to their place. I and A were again seated across a table discussing all things but matrimony. We talked about all the vague things, from food to families to fun. Then, again a long gap. Now I thought what’s the use of this conversation? Is it helping us in deciding on something? I mean it’s okay to talk about varied things, but they should be directed towards some the aim. So, I say, “Is there anything you want to ask me that will help in arriving at some decision?” No, said A.

I thought now what? It seemed like a dead end. “Okay then, lemme know about further course of action. Is it Yes, No or you want more meetings to decide, just let me know whenever,” I said, because I was answerable to the families who were involved with us. “I toh like you a lot,” said A. I was shocked & surprised in that fraction of second. “No, still take your time and then decide,” I reiterated. He said I am saying I like you. I again said, “Good to know but still think.”

He smiled and said, “Ab toh aap na hi karwa ke manegi.” I smiled too & that was our fleeting moment of whatever you may choose to call that emotion.

Now all this was between me & A. I got no chance to talk to my family after this. We all then went to A’s house where we had tea and chit chatted. There were many family members in the house then and I think they were discussing among themselves about the whole thing. As a courtesy gesture, everyone approved of every other person and of course me & A. It was to be a normal meeting and my family was looking forward to going back home and seeing how things progress, when suddenly A’s mother said, “We like the girl a lot and would like to make her ours tomorrow.” What!!! I almost fainted.

Me & my family got a bit confused as we were not prepared for this. My mom in a bid to save the situation said, “yes, yes, sure. Let me ask my daughter first if she okay with everything.” Amidst this, everyone started asking me my decision. I said “Yes, I am okay with the guy.”

Now my family fainted. They were completely taken aback. How come their daughter (who used to fight with them over this issue of how can she say yes to a guy after only meeting twice, and that she wants at least 6 months with the guy before deciding on marriage) could say yes like this. Immediately, my mom came close to me and asked, “Tell me, are you okay with it. Should we say yes?” I said, “Yes.” She was still not convinced and thought it was just a courtesy Yes. Also, we were in minority as we just the 5 of us. A’s family was much larger in number and they were all happy, jolly & positive about the alliance and in such a large set up, it was tough to take a personal call on the issue.

I mean it was not that I had any doubts about my decision regarding A. It was just that we, as a family of 5, got no chance to discuss the whole thing. The families got taking about how to proceed further. A’s happiness was there for all to see & I am sure he would have seen mine. In this all hullabaloo, my brother came to me and asked secretly, “Didi are you sure about your decision. There is no pressure. Just tell me if you have any slightest of doubt.” I smiled and said no. I could understand his concern. Even I was shocked how could I take this decision so fast. It was just plain destiny, nothing else.

Before leaving, Dad told them that though we are okay with everything, we cannot say yes before seeking our Guru’s approval. A’s family got bit disappointed. They thought we were seeking time.

Nov 17, 2012

We met our Guruji who gave his blessings and gave dates for the wedding, 30th Nov, 2012 & Jan 17, 2013. The moment we came out after meeting him, my dad called up A’s and gave him the good news. The families sort of went into hysteria. Even I could not believe it was happening. A kind of riot broke out. Nobody could contain their happiness, it was overflowing. Our families decided to keep the engagement ceremony the next day, as it was Sunday & a day that suited all. It was too quick for me to swallow but it was a happy change. However, in all this over-excitement, our families fixed up our wedding for Nov 30th. I was not at all happy with such a rush. After all, I had met A only twice. I wanted at least some time to know him better. I tried to convince my family to postpone the date but they were too happy to listen to me. All my happiness vanished thinking of marriage within few days. It was totally unacceptable to me. When A called up to congratulate me, we were both amused at our engagement the next day. I asked him if he was okay with the marriage date, he said it was too fast but okay. I told him I am not okay and want to postpone it. He said he was rushing from Delhi to Saharanpur and would come to Ambala midway to discuss things.

The things went a bit out of control from hereon. It was 5 pm already and we were still in Chandigarh. Preparations had to be done for the engagement the next day at 11 am. On our way back to Ambala, discussions after discussions followed about the whole thing but the wedding date proved to be a dampener. I was lost totally. My family was in no mood to relent. They were shocked as to why I was not happy and I was shocked at their decision. It was an emotional turmoil. I cried & cried but got no support from anyone, except my brother who was in Pune at that time. He understood my point and tried to convince my family. They finally said if A is okay with postponing the date, only then they will do so.

A reached my home at 11 in the night. My eyes were fluffy due to all the crying. From there, we went to a nearby restaurant and discussed the turn of events. I simply told him one thing, ” Whatever happens will happen, but I don’t want to marry a stranger. At least we should be friends before we see each other in the mandap. Rest I leave to God.” He didn’t say much and told me to let the things happen as they are happening.

Nov 18, 2012

It was to be one of the most b’ful day of my life, but with too much of stress for us as a family. Booking a restaurant, managing the whole function, and to top it all, getting the engagement rings. We got a shop opened at 10 am and shortlisted the best from whatever rings we had. Whoa, what a day!

Finally, we got engaged and the WOW moment was when before exchanging the rings, A told me he has talked to his family and they have decided to postpone the wedding to Jan 17, 2013. Can’t tell you what a moment it was. It was the beginning of love & respect for the man who was to be my soulmate. It was the best gift he gave to me. For, the next two months were the most b’ful months of my life.

Finally, on Jan 17, 2013, amidst dark clouds, thunderstorm and rains, we took our sacred vows of marriage and began our b’ful journey of togetherness.

Happy Anniversary A! You mean the world to me!!!

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How I Met The Love of My Life!

Beautiful Beginning!
Beautiful Beginning!

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It was a usual day. Same life, same people but with an unusual excitement in the heart and a feeling of disbelief. I was getting engaged after meeting a guy only twice, within a span of one week. This day, 2 years ago (gosh! it’s been 2 years?). It’s hard to believe it happened this quickly. I mean, imagine a guy comes from nowhere and becomes the center of your life, and vice versa.

Destiny, you do whatever you want to do man or woman!

It all started with one matrimonial site, which my dad used to scan with utmost dedication in the hope of finding a suitable match for her daughter. Amidst endless pics of guys, all eligible bachelors, I used to wonder, “Will my prince charming come out of these pics?”

The story began in year 2011 when this guy, let’s call him A, sent an interest on my matrimonial profile, which was rejected by my father for the reasons best known to him.

An year later, my dad sent him an interest, which was accepted by A,  who later claimed that he kept waiting & waiting for an interest from my side, as guided by his inner instinct. Both (my dad & A) decide to take the matter a step further by sharing more details when A suddenly disappeared from the scene (as he had caught dengue). Dad thought A not interested anymore and forgot about him.

One day, dad receives a mail from A, saying he was not well,  that he apologize for the delay and now wants to take things further. My sis reads the mails and asks dad to talk to the guy once again.

Dad told me about A and as usual, I was not much interested in meeting anyone. I was fed up of this process and not interested in marriage,  that too an arranged one. To top it all, when dad told me that A was from Saharanpur, UP, the remaining interest vanished (no offence intended). Saharanpur??? I mean, “Never,” I said.

My brother convinced dad to at least fix up a meeting and say “No” after meeting the guy. There’s no harm in it,” he said, and dad bought to his argument.

A meeting was fixed for 11th Nov, 2012.

Day 1: 11th Nov, 2012

Venue: A city restaurant in Ambala

No. of people at the venue: 11 (what!!! 2 people are to meet and 9 people to help them in the process.) It’s another thing that these 9 people played a key role in hooking us up.

Everyone ordered food…A separate table was laid for me & A…(My dad says, “aa jao beta, sit separately and chat aaram se.” (I wanted to vanish as I hated this set up from the core of my heart). We (me & A) shifted to the adjacent table and began the formal chit chat. All the others who had come also tried to bond and pass their time eating & chatting, while looking at me & A from the corner of their eyes. Meeting over…we joined the family table…smiled to all…with everyone trying to behave as normal as possible.

Now, A’s family invited us to Saharanpur and we meet for the second time there.

Day 2: 14 Nov, 2012

Venue: A city restaurant

No. of people at the venue: 15 (no comments)

Same process is repeated. We sat in a corner of a restaurant in an attempt to make the biggest decision of our lives. After the meeting, me & A gave our nod for each other and the families rejoice. My family seeks some more time for the final approval, as we had to take our Guru’s permission. After his nod on Nov 17 at 3 pm sharp (I still remember the exact time), my dad calls up A’s dad and our engagement was fixed for the next day.

Day 3: 18 Nov, 2012

We exchanged rings with lots of love in our hearts, the blessings of our family members and the dreams of a happy future. In one week, my status changed from “Single” to “Engaged”. In next 2 months, it will change from “Engaged” to “Happily Married”!!!

{PS: Dad, (more…)

I have love all around me!

Today is Valentine’s Day. Don’t know if you had expected a post from me or no, but I expected one from me. Reason: I love life, I love love and I passionately love all the special people who are there in my life, and most importantly, they all love me more than me. I am far too imperfect for all of them.

Of course I don’t believe in just having one day to express love, but don’t mind celebrating Valentine’s Day either. I love every celebration of life, from enjoying a cup of tea in solitude to partying with friends. And oh, if anyone is reading this post expecting to know about the valentine kind of love in my life, I am sorry to disappoint you, and even myself. I have none. Strange na, especially when I love love so much. But that’s something beyond me.

That apart, my life, touchwood, is full of love. I have so much of love around me that I secretly fear losing it, God forbid. May be its coz of this love that I find life so beautiful, in spite of its struggles and pressures and complications. Another thing is that I don’t have many people in my life who are very close to me. They are just a few, I mean the people who are part of my daily life and close to my heart. Everyone is special in my life, but if we talk about the ones who form my everyday life, I can count them on my fingers. And to the extent of boring you again (I have been asked by many not to write emotional posts, but this is my blog, not your newspaper), I would like to thank those lovely people who make my life lovable, that’s what Valentine’s day is for na?

Besides my family, the most lovable component of my life, I would like to thank all my friends for being there and adding to the quality of my life. Special thanks to my roommates who have given me a home away from home, a support system to smile in the midst of sorrows, their shoulders when I needed them, and for being so good that it strengthened by belief that life is full of good people too.

Today, it’s the birthday of one of my roomies too. May god bless her and give her someone to love too. And ahh, birthday reminds me of one strange fact of our lives, which I am embarrassed to admit on this love day, but not at all ashamed. Most of my friends are above 30 years and unmarried, including my roommates. Sigh! What a way to end the Valentine’s Day post.

My father- Epitome of generosity!

Dad, the sweetest, the humblest human being I have seen on this earth. Always helpful, always accommodating, always giving in abundance (not even realising how much he does for others by putting himself in discomfort). Since childhood, have seen him helping people, without giving the needed attention to his life and pleasures. Sacrifice he does with such an ease and openness, and that too silently. Unfortunately or fortunately, people have not reciprocated the love and care he gives to people, but, as I said, he holds no grudge. I wonder how (see I am nothing like his daughter should be).

Being extremely simple is his another virtue. A simple man with simple pleasures, but his biggest pleasure is helping others, in thick and thin, in sun or shadow. I love his simplicity to the core, as it makes life so simple too. But when that simplicity is taken for granted by everyone, I feel bad, but not he, of course (see I am nothing like his daughter should be).

Making others feel extremely important and comfortable is his second nature. Treating guest as God is his lifeline. No matter how big or small the person is, he never differentiates. Guests are literally worshipped in our house. I have grown up seeing guests in dozens all at one time but he never cribbed. I of course did sometime (see I am nothing like his daughter should be).

We three, his children, much to our disappointment, have not inherited these qualities from him in the degree that he possesses. We are not as generous as he is. We shout and scream and sometime pay back too when people do injustice to us, but he is always without any grudge. He is always thinking of others’ interest even when they don’t deserve. We all hate this thing about him but at the same time love him the most for this. For, it’s not easy to give when you have nothing, it’s not easy to laugh when all you have is tears, but it’s not tough either. My father, my dad proves it. My dad, a man with a ‘GOLDEN HEART’.

You make us feel proud in more ways than we three can ever make you do the same. Hope we always keep your head held high. Love you in abundance.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DAD!

(PS: He is taking us to dinner tonight. Looking forward to some good family time. You all also enjoy and love your dad as much as you can.)